Ramblings From A Golden Unicorn

What A Long And Hot Day

2005-07-25T23:47:00.000-05:00

What a day I had.

First Miss shanice kept everyone up late late last night cause she held her arm out, let the hand go limp, then punched the wrist and then pulled a finger to try and make it pop. I really dont know what the hell she was thinking, but she was up crying about it for about an hour last night. well needless to say she woke up just fine. Of course.

Had to bring d into work at 230 AM. That sucked ass. I actually went to bed about 1230 or so, and trying to get up was a bitch. The meds I take at night knock me out after a lil while, so i get ok sleep now. I just dream a whole lot. Weird shit too.

But so I brought him to work, came home and went to bed.

Got up just before les was leaveing so I could get the kids ready to go.

We had to head out and pick up a dresser we bought on saturday and also had a freecycle pick-up which went so damn well!!!! But before we got there the window feel down so i had to stop and get TAPE to hold it up. We picked up a little mail thingy, i dunno what ya call it, but it is cool, just gotta figure out where to put it. But while I was there the lady asked if i would like a hope chest, well ya good god damn right i did!!! LMAO we have been looking for one for a while, and they are so expensive. So got it home. Then we ran off to walmart to grab stuff for dinner. we come out, only after about 20 minuets max and the car wouldnt start. Here it is, early afternoon, got 3 hungry hot and tired kids in tow and the car wont start. So we grab out cold stuff and head back into wally to call les. Sat down and had a little lunch.

we wound up haveing the car towed to pep-boys and will know in the morning what all is wrong, but for sure it will cost a bunch. Damn cars.

Tonight I brought D's car up to the new self car wash thingy. There is a carpet cleaning thingy there, and D's poor little car is NASTY stinky yukkie!! So i scrubbed the carpetts. Worked my ass of, was hot as a mutha fucker out there. But I got most of the crap out, teres a bunch of stains, and stuff all over the seats. Ugggg! too bad, it is only a 2001 and is much dirtier then the 1985 I had. Hmmm oh well.

Ohhh and while waiting for Les and trying to figure out the car and stuff missed my second interview so i will have that tomarrow afternoon. Just gotta fill out paper work and shit. So that was my great long and tireing day.

Now gotta brush out my hair have a smoke and head to bed.

Nighty nite.

Dylan's Big Day

2005-07-22T01:33:00.000-05:00

Well our little bitty boy turned one today!!!

It was so cute. He got to eat his favorite things, green beand and mac-n-cheese for dinner. And then got to tear into his very own cake, well the frosting at least. He didnt care much for the cake once he figured out frosting was pretty damn good.

He tore into it for about 10 minuets then was compleately finished. And then ran around the house hyped up on suger for about an hour and is now sleeping soundly in his bed.

Happy birthday Dilly butt!

Dylans 1st Birthday

2005-07-22T01:25:00.000-05:00

Dylans 1st Birthday

2005-07-22T01:23:00.001-05:00

Dylans Cake Before He Got His Little Hands On It

Dylans 1st Birthday

2005-07-22T01:23:00.000-05:00

Dylans 1st Birthday

2005-07-22T01:22:00.000-05:00

Dylans 1st Birthday

2005-07-22T01:21:00.000-05:00

Dylans 1st Birthday

2005-07-22T01:20:00.000-05:00

Dylans 1st Birthday

2005-07-22T01:19:00.000-05:00

Dylans 1st Birthday

2005-07-22T01:18:00.000-05:00

Dylans 1st Birthday

2005-07-22T01:17:00.000-05:00

Dylans 1st Birthday

2005-07-22T01:16:00.000-05:00

Dylans 1st Birthday

2005-07-22T01:15:00.000-05:00

Dylans 1st Birthday

2005-07-22T01:14:00.001-05:00

Dylans 1st Birthday

2005-07-22T01:14:00.000-05:00

Dylans 1st Birthday

2005-07-22T01:13:00.000-05:00

Dylans 1st Birthday

2005-07-22T01:12:00.000-05:00

Dylans 1st Birthday

2005-07-22T01:11:00.000-05:00

Dylans 1st Birthday

2005-07-22T01:08:00.000-05:00

Let's get you all cought up...

2005-07-21T13:35:00.000-05:00

well since I loast poasted I have gotten meds. Was put on Trazadone to help me sleep and Paxil CR to stabelise my moods. Really so far all it has done is make me all sorts of forgetful amd zone-out, but it has only been a few days, so we will see.

I went and picked up Les' flowers and cards and bought her a gold heart ring. And got a rose for each of the kids to give to her. And a few balloons. She started crying. Shs is such a sap. I hid her ring, in its box in the rozes i got her. She didnt see it at first, so i said did you smell thoses roses, hopeuing she would see the box. No such luck. She was snmelling them saying ohh yeah they do have a different smell. well of course they didnt, she thought i thought they did so she was humering me. I just wanted her to stick her nose in and find the box. well it had fallen down in the flowers so i had to point it out. She loved it!

And what a night we had last night. It was Les decided last minuet that she wanted to go out to eat so we just ran up to golden coral. I snuck the cake up their so after we ate the waitstaff brought it out and the resturant sang to her. She told me wait till November....lmao.

Before we even got inside the resturant we were waiting outside for Damon and the girls to show up, they went to the wrong resturant. We had been sitting there a good half hour, maybe even 45 minuets. Well we decided to go check and see how D would get lost for 45 minuets going 2 miles from the house. Well I got Dylan back in his car seat and noticed in the van next to me, that had been there since before we got there, there was a little boy sitting in the driver seat, couldnt have been more then 2. So les stopped the car and i got out to see if anyone was in the van with him, and no he was there alone, in houston where it is 95 with 80+ % humidity all the time. Well Leslie ran inside the resturant to see if she could locate someone but no luck. So she called the police. I sat out there with the little boy, trying to get him to unlock the doors but no luck. He looked fine and I knew it wouldnt take long for the police to get there so i just stood there.

Well the dad, maybe, came out holding a piece of bread for the boy and went to get in teh van. Most I could do was dig in the car and write down the licenses plat and make/modle and what the guy looked like. well gave it to the police, a squad showed up and the cop was like eh cant do anything im not chaseing him down. Sorry. Fucken dick. yeah you can do something you can look up the plate number and go ream this guy a new ass! You can go and arest his ass for leaveing a baby in a car alone for at leaste 45 minuets. You can kiss my ass. Ya know If that baby had only been in there 5 minuets they would have had a man hunt and swipped that child away. But since it was a bit serious they do nothing. HMPH!!!!!!!!

Well dinner went well except this poor lady had a piece of the buffett fall on her foot. Some stainless steal boarder fell on her foot, sliced three of her toes. Poor thing. She was talking about how she is diabetic and had just gotten out of the hospitol. Well the manager said best he could do was refyund her money. HA!! For sliceing my toes your ass owes me a hell of alot more then 7 fucken dollars. HA you can get me the phone so i can call a lawyer dumb ass.

After we got home leslie was on the phone and D and I brought in her other gift, a porch swing, she loved it.

We got the kids to bed I ran off to take a shower got all smellin sweet and put on a mighty fine little outfit for Leslie, hehehe. Then after we were all finished playing we fell asleep. well I had lit candles all over our room. One must of had a bubble in it because Les said she was only out for about 30 minuets before she woke up and found one candle compleatly burned down and dripping everywhere. This andle should have taken hours and hours to burn up. Well I figure there must have been a bubble in the wax. I havent really investigated it yet, but it made one hell of a mess.

Well today it is raing and storming a bunch. I have the kids in the littles room cleaning. Uggg always a chore and im not cleaning it.

Well I'm Off.

Was asked to join a site.....

2005-07-13T13:42:00.000-05:00

For rateing BBW and SSBBW and whatever. I hesitated, cause ya know, what if you average a 2.0 instead of a 8. And feel bad. but I did it anyway. HAHAHA I am highest on the list right now. Funny. Here is the link. Somehting is wrong with blogger, so it wont work for me to add it in my links, but it will be soon.

http://www.ratingbbw.com

I am missliz there so gimmie a 10!!!!

If my patience isn't wearing thin enough sometimes.

2005-07-12T14:07:00.000-05:00

Well we had an evenful day yesterday.

Shanice decided that lunchtime was just a mask for world War...oh I dont know what number now 3000 I guess.

She didnt like what I made her so it turned into a great big battle between she and I. Really I didnt think mac-n-cheese was such a big deal. I was wrong, terribly wrong.

Needless to say, She mad barbs and crossed far, far, far over lines she shouldnt have. I am so mad and hurt over it, but what am I supposta do? Nothing I guess. She is better today, already asking for things or to do things that are privlages. "shakes head" All I can think of is tuff shit. Might not be the best way to think of it or the nicest way but too damn bad.

We have had aquiet day. I havent spoken to her much at all. And I think it might be that way for a bit.

Talked with Diane, my counciler about it last night. She thinks that my issue from thursday night, the chest pains and stuff, were prolly an anxiety attact too. I have been sleeping for shit lately, nightmares and raceing thoughts. So she thinks maybe my head just went NO! when I tried to go to sleep, or maybe I had a nightmare and it triggered it. I dont remember too much from before it happend so could be. Ya never know. I do know I dont want one ever again. It sucked ass.

we changed the kids rooms around on sunday. Now the littles have the bigger room and Shanice the smaller. I think it will work much better. Now just need to get it all organised.

what else....

Nothing really. So Im outie.

Ohhh what a night.....

2005-07-10T01:24:00.000-05:00

early July here in 2005...well guess it dosent go as well as the late december back in 63, but ...

Had a GREAT night at the pool party. There wasnt a woman that I didnt get along with. It was SOOOOOO nice to get out and just be away from kids for an entire night.

Plus beautiful nekkid woman ALOWAYS make things better!!! had a really great time. Swam my big ass off and have the sore marks on my big toes to prove it. I rubbed my big toes raw roaming around in the pool, but SOOOOOOOO worth it!!

Even with all the fun, and yea I know I said I would have pics, but didnt think the ladies would like nekkid pics up of em, you have to always expect a bit of disapointment. Not with the party, but now damon is pissed off. He is mad we didnt get home untill noon. I guess he expected us to be home in the wee hours of the morning. Well we decided to get some sleep before heading the hour and a half back home and instead of sleeping just 2 or 3 hours we slept untill about 10:30. So when we called home to say hey were on out way, you guys wanna meet up with us so we can do something our answer was NOPE!

So we get home after grocery shopping and a little thrift store shopping, and D and the kids went to a movie, we get hella attitude. he is PISSED THE FUCK OFF!! Ane were trying to figure out what the fuck. well he didnt really expect us to stay the whole night and really thought noon was way to late to be getting home. So after trying to kiss his ass and say sorry, but it was a ways out and we were tired and had been drinking and it got late and whatever, heis like I dont care and has this dont try and make it up im just going to be pissed the hell off.

Well I finnaly just got irritated and said ya know we cant fx that we got home so late, we didnt intend to but we did. i am sorry and next time if there is some party that were invited too that might maybe have the chance of going into the next day we wont go. how do we fix this so your not pissed? (I had said I cant fix this a couple times by now) And his answer back was, and in a whiney voice I know you cant fix this blah balh blah. I just loked at him and said Ya know what, then run around the house, be pissed off and nasty. I am done trying to apoligise fuck you. Maybe a few more fuckes. but I was so damn mad. I was very ganuine. I really didnt want him to be mad. Hell We have NEVER gone out all night, with me at least. it isnt a regular thing for us to even go out. And we met some really cool ladies and had a blast. And we get to feel like were 16, stole the car and came home past curfew. Hell no. Last i checked I was grown. And god damnit if i am going to go out, thats what I am gonna do. it isnt fair we get to feel like shit for haveing fun.

So he wants no reason, explination or sorry for it, it seems he just wants to be pissed off over it, more power to him. we had a night out, which we needed so bad and we rarely get with out kids, and we had fun. Good enough for me. If he dosnt want to except apologies and throw a fit, tuff titty, he will just have to be mad.

But so, yeah we had a blast. it was WELL worth the fit thrown when we got home.

So now here i sit. I am up alone, tired as hell, but so pissed and hurt. Fucken bull shit.

Leslie and I had a really great talk at lunch today, which was now 12 hours ago and chinese and im starveing, whos got some nummie stuff for me??

We talked about our relationship (all three of us) and what we want and how it is going.

Our relationshit is pretty good. We have ups and downs. Have issues with shanice and my depression that were working threw, but all in all were all pretty happy, I think...D is still mad...lol

But Les told me about Juju, her boss. And how she is now...somthing 45 maybe, somehting close to that. and has no kids of her own, cant have them. and how she is so regreting not haveing any and really wants some but due to other issues at home cant. And Les told me how it bother her to see how much I want a baby, born from me. Because I lost both my girls she knows how it tears me apart and how bad I have the feeling of need to have a baby. And she is scared. Scared because theycant/wont give me that. And yes we have three kids by les and D, but it is hard to explain but it just isnt the same. I love our kids like they were my own, but it is still very hard. And damon lately dosnt make it easier.

He makes comments like if Les and d want to go out, and of course it is perfectly fine to leave the kids with me, he dosnt like it. Says one of their parents need to be home with them. And we have had this talk. I a here, have been here threw thick and thin, treat these kids like they are my kids. Leslie feels the same. With Dylan he has two mama's. Jae loves me to death and pretty much thinks of me like asecond mom, and shanice, right now i am a mom when it suits her, but teenagers ya know. And for D to say shit like that to me, like he feels uncomfortable leaveing the kids with me like ai am some stranger or something pisses me right the fuck off. Hurts me more though. and this past anivercery for Les and D, their 15th wedding anivercery, he didnt want o really celibrate it because of me and how it changes all he wanted in a marriage. And he dosent think of himself as poly. I dont know. It is so frustrateing.

I sit and think. well shit I have been here over 2 years now. I have been threw alot of shit with shanice and the baby and other stuff. Tought, tought stuff. And I am still here. Do i want to continue in a relationship where i cant have a baby? Do I want to invest more time and effort, sweat and tears into somehting I might regret when I am 40? I dont know.

I know I have found a wonderful family, that i cant imagine being without. I know I love these kids and if I left it would crush me. I know I dont want to ever sleep in a bed without les and d in it.( except tonight of course, i got my pillow and beauty and the beast blanket on the couch)

Could I make it on my own with a baby??

Well in Houston, no. It is so expensive here. By the time I pay bills and rent and daycare, i wont have money for the baby, so now I would work 2 jobs and then never see the baby. whats the point?? I could move out, be close to home so I could have my cake and eat it two. But I would never be at my place. I would always be here. And then it is a waste of money haveing my own place. And Les and D would have to put the kids in daycare, and with just Jae and dylan they would pay 200 a week or more, and have to worry if shanice is burning dwn the fucken house befor they could get home.

It is all too much hassel. but I want it so bad it hurts.

I used to joke with D about gonig to a sperm bank. And he said, if you want. So he is willing to be stand in daddy for a baby that isnt biologically his, but wont have one with me?? What sense does that make??? None if ya ask me.

We have had this talk, more then a few times. he dosnt want to have to worry about if we were to have a kid and then decided we were to break up, it would hurt him to lose the baby. No trust in me there.

most I think it is is trying to explain to his mama that well you ahev another grandchild comeing, yes i know leslie got her tubes tied, it is Liz's.

his family along with les' only know me as the nanny/friend. So it makes it difficult. He can talk big and say, after his mom starts breating again after he tells her about me she will get used to it. She got used to Leslie after 7 years. Has he said anything to her yet??? Ehhh nope. so I think, just my opinion but, i think he worries about wehat his mom and brothers and other family would think of it. and it is a valid concern but fuck man. I hate being hid in the closet.

Well not that I have bitched away I am off to get food. ny ass is hungry!!

Night.

Bi-woman pool party!!!

2005-07-08T11:55:00.000-05:00

Is the plan for tonight. A few woman, about 10, from a bi womans group Les is in is haveing a pool party tonight.

I can see the thoughs of the men reading this now. I am sure all that is raceing threw ya head is bi-woman in swimsuits haveing water fights and then a great big orgy after!! LMAO well, as far as I know, no, that isnt happening, the orgy part. But it will be nice to leave the house and go do something for the night. Yep were not comeing back tonight. It is a minuet away and with it already starting late and adding drinking were just gonna stay there for the night. So it should prove to be an interesting night. It will be nice to hang out with woman, well anyone i guess, that isnt just chit chat at a bar or bingo. So I will post on that tomarrow or Sunday.

I went to the hospitol last night. I couldnt seem to catch my breath and my chest and arm hurt like a bitch!! So off to the county hospitol we went. And I knew as soo as Les made the turn to the right and not the left that we were off to Ben Taub and off to a LONG LONG night.

Last time i was there, only other time for that matter, I waited 15 hours. 12 befor i saw a doc for 5 minuets. seriously 5 minuets. She didnt touch me, and really didnt ask any questions. Just gave me 2 precriptions, that dont do shit by the way, and sent me on my way. So I sat in the er for 12 hours, no pain meds, in hard ass seat, could lay down, to see a doc for 5 minuets. And then had to wait almost 3 hours to get my precription filled. Sine I have the county insurence I have to go there and have my stuff filled there. No choice in the matter. I cant just go to walgreens.

Well aftr waiting almost 3 hours last night i finnaly got to see the triage nurse, 3rd to lasdt step befor seeing a doc. And I asked her how long the wait would roughly be. She said 10-12 hours from this point. Well fuck me, we had already been there almost 3, it was now 4 am and we surely couldnt stay untill at the earlyiest 2 pm that afternoon. She lost her ever loven mind!!! So I went to Les and was like were outtie, c'mon. And of course she said nope sit your ass down, we will wait you hurt. well she changed her mind when we saw that the nurse had me down for muscle cramps. MUSCLE FUCKEN CRAMPS?!??! you have got to be kidding me. No it isnt a muscle cramp. I was really scared I was haveing a heart attack or some. (im not in the best shape or eat the best diet so it is a real risk) Leslie was pissed went hunting for the nurse manager to tell teh the bitch didnt know what she ws talking about. well needless tosay after waiting 45 minuets for the nurse manager we left without speaking to her.

I told Les when I came back last time, I will go to the hospitol that is 5 minuets away, not 45, and be seen and happily take the bill. I understand ALOT of people are on their case load but damned if people should wait 14+ hours to see a doc who could give a damn. So here I sit. My arm, yeah it hurts some still. But not enough to go back to Ben Taub. The only way you get good treatment at Ben Taub is if you come in dieing. If you get passed the er adn get admitted it is supposta be a great hospitol, but you just have to make sure the nurse puts down the right thing or you wont be seen for 14 hours and you may just die in the waiting room either frm your illness or from boredom.

But, pain or not off to the bi-pool party!!!!! HEHEHEHEHE I so cant wait. I shall take pics. :-)

I have seen it all now.

2005-07-07T14:21:00.000-05:00

OK was intbetween this chinese show I happened to stumble across on channel 75, AZN is the call letters. I dunno what the show is, but it is still on the T.V. Why I havent changed it is beyond me.

Anyway I have seen it all for infomercials. I have see the food dehydrators and mixer slash blender and the pots that cook your food without being in or on the stove. I have seeen the magic cleaners and wipes and everything. I am a nite owl, I have seen most of them, meny times.

But today I saw somehting and really i have seen it all. An electric eyelash curler. WTF?????? Ok one, who needs a curling iron a half an inch from their eyeball? I see the lawsuits a commin'. If I went so affraid on blinding myself, I might have to get in line. Two, what was wrong with the old fashioned ones? Not all that old fashioned but seems they are now. I remember my mom and grandma useing the maybeline silver, looked like a vise, one. Always scared me. I thought It would get stuck, pull out my lashes and I would have nekkid eyelids. But now dont worry, you wont pull em out, you will scald your lids and eyeballs, no worries.Three, whats a better alternative to longer looking curled lasheshes..hmmmm super glueing fake ones on.OK really I am so not sure whats worse, glueing your eyes shut or scalding them shut. Im not really sure.

I think now I have seen it al, but Im sure someone will prove me wrong and make my mouth drop again.

Sigh Teenagers

2005-07-06T14:36:00.000-05:00

I swear they try to torment you into doing whatever it is you might do to them when you snap.

his morning Shanice has it stuck in her head I am out to get her. I have been threatened, flipped off, sworn at, mocked and whatever else her 14 yo smart ass could come up with. I am so done, I throw in my towel. She wins. I havent spoken to her since that last round of GGOOOOOOO!!!! (imagine god drawn out without the d. like napolian dinomite) Grits under you skin and she loves it.

All because she likes to ba lazt and try her damndest to not do a chore till it is done. A half assed attempt every single time. Well lest night after she said she was finished and had gone to be went into the kitchen and magic it was a complete mess. Even more so then when it usually is. Sometimes there is some dishes left or just some little things. Well I had seen what kind of job she thought she had done and thought she was finished so I sent her back into the kitchen to finish, which allways gives me a great response of eye rollen or some smart ass remark or what didnt i do it is done. well this morning her ma'ma and I deciede that it would be a great day for her to do an outstanding job and do extra. Floor washing, wipeing down cubbord doors, just a general really deep clean of the kitchen. Well she asked me what I was writeing out and I told her her chore list for the day and poof that started the day off grand. Leslie wasnt even to work yet, takes about 20 min to get there, and she already had a message waiting to call home because Shanice had decided to flip me off and just be completely defiant.

Now we had a blow up last week about how the kids are toalked to and the tones taken with them. So I have been doing a damn fine job keeping my temper down and just staying even toned with her. But when she readily admidts she is egging me on it is a bit hard to keep cool, for me anyway.

So now I am a horriable bitch, her words, and am now abuseing her. Because a rule that we normaly have in affect is that if we get attitude over doinf chores we add extra. Les even said that exact thing before she left for work. So I told shenice she had earned herself another room and of course the ramark is "GOOD!! You wouldnt do it anyway." Uggg I swear that child. She only says that to get under my skin cause it pisses me off when I dont get help, so here let me scratch my nails on the chalkboard somemore.

So yeah today I have been a horriable bitch, been flipped off, eye rolled, mocked sworn at and just be pushed to my little edge. Thank god only about 2 1/2 hours before Les and or D get home.

Well we had a good weekend other wise. We went and saw Mr. & Mrs. Smith. It was ok, kinda long but it was an ok movie. Les loved it. She was just so torn over Angilinas clothing falling off and the white sale she had found. Les LOVES Angelina. So She loved it. I would have waited untill it came out at Holywood. HA I always wait.

We BBQ'ed on the 4th and blew off some fireworks. Was fun. wasnt even so hot for it. The humidity calmed down a bit, so it was ok.

Other then that havent been up too much really.

My apointment for my tree guggen therapist got cancelled and I made an apointment for the Shrik. So YEAHHHHH!!!!!!! Two weeks and will be happily medicated.

Well off to do baths before starting dinner.

If my mind would just stop for one damn minuet!!!!

2005-07-03T01:31:00.000-05:00

I could go the hell to sleep. Uggg. Staying up untill the wee hours of the morning is kicking my butt! But ya know ya cant reraly fall asleep when your head thinks your siting in the middle of Spagetti Junction in the middle of the night and your thought are raceing by you at a hundred miles an hour and all you see is lights going by. I know it is odd but thes what it looks and feels like behind my lids. A little scary.

Hopefully the shrink I will be seeing sometime soon, have to call back on wednesday to make an apointment, will fix my damn head. Im dont thinking about everything possiable dureing the day about Matt and Tony and my mom adn everything. Isnt there an off button?? Guess not.

Well went out today and picked up a few movies. Shit was picked over like crazy. Not to much to choose from. And damn Hollywood hasnt put anything on mvp in 2 weeks. Anticipationg the 4th I am sure. So we got what we could and went and did a tiny bit of shopping for tonights dinner. Was good. Made subs and chips and grapes. Was very nice not to have to turn on ANY heat source to cook. It has been so damn hot here. And NO rain, at all. So it feels like 300 degrees.

When we got home we got the biggest, comphyest chair. Miss Trisa had brought over an oversized chair and automan. Granted it is this plaid, and dosnt match anythinhg we have, but our shit never matches anyway. It is HUGE and I love it!! Thank you Trisa!!!!! Love ya girl!! I belive after i finish with this blog i iwl be cuddeling up in it to watch some wonderfull infomercial filled tv.

We dont have any plans for the fourth yet. Other then gonna grill some ribs with all the fixins and blow some shit up!! I love how fireworks are legal here. They wernt in MN. And what we could sneak over from Wisconsin wasnt exactly soo cool. Nothing flew in the air. But here, everything goes and it is so damn cool! Last year was fun. The neighborhood we are in blows so much shit up it looks like it is on fire when people are done. It is soo smokey. But fun.

D, Les and Dylans b days are comeing up. D's is on the 113th and les on the 20th and Dyl on the 21st. No plans ar all yet. But I will make sure to post some pics of Dyl's 1st B-day.

Lets see what else.....eh nothing really. I suppose I should go smoke and see if I can find anything on T.V. Maybe fall asleep for a few.

Night.

It's damn hot in here!!!

2005-06-28T10:52:00.000-05:00

Seems the littlest girl decided she was cold and has had the heat on for a day. Ugggg it is hot in Heeerrrrrrr!!

Yeasterday went well, last night went GREAT!!!

Went to my councling appointment. Went ok. we did a case plan thing...ohhh reminds me i need to make an apointment.

Well after i got home from my apointment les had all sorts of suprises for me. She had made dinner and had the table set with NO plastic anything LMAO and some sorta bubbly drink, berringer something I think. She Loves it, it mad my face wrinkle up. Byt we had steak and bakes taters!!! YUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After dinner we all went to the bed room, and I opened my gift from her. was a bra and pantie set and a nighty with a rob. NICE!! There soo perty!!

Then we had brownies! YUM again!! And then..(insert cheesy porn music)..ohhhh sexyness for us!! Hehehehe. stayed up late, late. A bit of fun.

This morning woke up early and got the kids ready to get the oilchange and lights i didnt get dont thins weeknd done. And were back.

Not much going on today, but laundry I think and cleaning my room up. I got hangers, YEA!!!

Off to clean.

I am sooo tired!!!

2005-06-26T17:26:00.000-05:00

Well Miss Trisa just left. She came over to go threw my free-cycle finds with me. I got 4 big ol garbage bags full of clothing. Most of it so old and just plain ugly. Found a little bit, so i need to take the rest of it to the clothing drop box by the house at some point today, maybe. First I need to get something to eat, I am starveing.

Les, D and the kids are on their way home. Should be home about 10. So I need to get a nap in before they get home. I am sure les and d are about to drop from exaustion. And the kids will prolly sleep most of the way home and be up all night.

I also need to put some laundry in. I am sure lLes and D need clothing for work tomarrow. Ugggg, well I suppose i will throw some in and eat.

Night.

BINGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-06-26T04:22:00.000-05:00

Is what I should have screamed about 7 times tonight, but unfortunatly I didnt get to, not once. I did come damn close one time, but then poof...denied!

I ran my ass of today, well yesterday now, but I havent slept yet so it is still today in my head. But I will say yesterday so it isnt confuseing to you out there.

I first tried going to PEP Boys to get Les's car an oil change and a couple lights fixed. well..Let me tell you I was not about to sit there for 3+ hours. NOPE> So That didnt get done.

So I went out to this sorta cool plus-size retail shop that was gonna close but then didnt. They have some good stuff, sometimes. But for a resale shop they are damn expensive. But they were haveing a we're back in business 60% sale. So I thought I would stop by there. Only found a tank top for 3 bucks.

Stopped at alot of places trying to find D's annivercery gift.

Yep monday will be two years with Les and D. YEA us!!

So after going to about 15 places and 5 hours later, and one purse more, for Shanice, I wound up getting him the DVD player he has wanted. he has been dropping not so subtle hints about it, so screw it, I know he will love it.

I got my gift from him, the digi cam/web cam.

And I went to bingo. Damn DAMN fun. it is now my new favorite thing. And it isnt that expensive. 10 bucks and your good. I spent more the 10 tonigh, a little more then 20. But was so fun. I really enjoyed myself. I think, money permitting, I would really like to make Bingo my escape once a week. They are open Friday threw monday I think. It was fun. I am such a people watcher. And this was people watching buffet! I loved it. I hadnt been just so content and happy, I guess, in a while. So please contribute to the Liz Sanity Foundation!

My head hurt so bad when I left the bingo hall. I think it is because I smoked a pack of smokes in 4 hours. Ugggggg....ouch.

Then I stopped and got some food. Jack In The Box. MMMMMMM The ultimate cheese burger. Cheese, meat, cheese, cheese, meat is how they describe it. Damn nummie is how I do. But for gods sake how is someone supposta finishe the 10 pound burger? I didnt, but I tried to really hard. I also had their nummie ass fries and a OREO cookie shake. Damn fine dinner if ya ask me.

Cam home, got into sweats and started blog serfing. Then talked to Trisa for ever!! we IMed for a bit, but our porr girl is stuck with dial up, yes people still use it, and she kept getting bumped offline. So she got pissed and just called me. HA.

I have never had so much to talk about with that wman. We bullshitted for a good hour maybe two. About all sorts of shit. Was fun. Thanks hun.

Then her phone booted her. It died. Sweet dreams Trisa. I am sure she is fast asleep now.

Then I started messing with my blog. Added my blog to a bunch of them search engines. Thanks to Trisas site. I got em from her. Somehow messed something up, the footer looks funny now, but to hell with it.

and I even added line. Now my blogger friends have their own catagory. I am proud, I did it all by my lonesome. So If you would like, let me know and I willadd ya. Would be cool to have a big ol list going.

I wanna be cool like trisa. In just a few months she has hit 1500+ visitors. Thats too damn cool if you ask me. So I am an aspireing (sp?) blogger like my dear friend Trisa.

And here I sit. It is now 20 to 5. Damn man. well good thing were not going to Les' nephews game today. Noone made it back from Dallas. Im a bit worried, but I am sure its nothing. I hope anyway.

I have been listening to Launchcast Plus Radio. I have it set to 90's pop and in the last 5 hours I have known every single song. Funny or sad, im not sure which yet.

Well I just had another Idea for my blog so I am off to test out and see if I can do it.

Sweet dreams.

You know your board when..........

2005-06-25T01:06:00.000-05:00

you go and clean the car out at 11 PM just for the fuck of it. well not really just for the fuck of it. It is the car everyone is rideing in to dallas in the morning, but really 11pm? I ams ure there was some bar, club something, anything that was calling my name. But there I was. HA!

I need to get into somehting down here. I am so damn board. Leslie has been talking about getting more involved with the GLBT community and us going to gettogethers. well time never allowes for it. But now that D is back home I am sure we will find time at some point.

While I was cleaning the car I was thinking about what to go and do tomarrow while I am here by my lonesome. Im stayen home...no wedding reception for me. So what to go do..hmmmm. I dont care for clubs too much, especially alone. But I do like Coachs. It is a local swinger bar, and no Im not going out to get some ass!!! LMAO They just dont look at you weird when you asnwer their question of why you here alone with the gf and bf are fill in the blank. There not very trashy either, granted they have a "back room", which I have been in all of once for about 2 seconds with Leslie before my head about popped off from turning red. But it is nice to go where people dont look at ya weird.

Then I thought BINGO!!! Whoo hoo I love bingo. Me and the old ladies can laugh it up. LMAO Too funny.

And other maters in the world of Liz......

OK so got a letter from my mother today. Always interesting to hear from her. I Have slowed down my calling Minnesota to a halt ever since my brother told me to call back at 5 am and then he would have time to talk to me.I dont know what type of fucked up, retarded stoner bull shit that is, but whatever. I hadn't called their till today. And it has been maybe 2 weeks I guess. i was calling every other day or so. So I am sure they are like what the fuck.
So anyway I got this letter form my mother. Asking for money. She hasnt asked in a long time, from me anyway. She has hinted heavely, but never asked. And if I had money i would have already sent it up their to help out my invelid (not really, but acts like it) mother and lazy stoner brother. Nothing agenst stoners..but you can still funtion in life damn it, Mom has been trying feverishly to get a job, but she belives greatly that because she dosnt have any teeth now, lost them in an accident a year ago, noone will hire her. So her new great plan is to go back to Alaska and work on the boats. She and her Ex did that for about a year, so she knows what she is getting herself into, except she is changed from the accident. She has pins and rods and plates all over her body and I am sure she wouldnt last the 20+ hours in a row the people up there have to work sometimes. Because you arent done untill the boat is empty. But if it floats her boat by god to the fuck to Alaska. But of course she dosnt have any money. She has ran out her unemployment, and the extension, did that a week or two ago. So she and my brother are living of nothing really. My brother went dumpster diveing somewhere for food. Now that there breaks my heart. There isnt a damn thing I can do to help. If they lived down the block we could feed them sometimes. But shit they are 2500 miles away. And really we just dont have money to be sending up there.
My new great plan is......
I am supposta be getting this earned income credit check. Dont ask me how I get it, the IRS sent me the paper and said I get it. But I was going to use that to cover plane and car and whatever else I needed to go up for a visit in August. But I have been thinking if I get it before Tony loses the apartment and my mom goes to jail, I would send up money to Tony to help cover bills for a few months if he gets a job and give my mom money to go where ever she wants, Alska bound I am sure. And then pay for the rest of my brothers headstone, which he still dosnt have and it has been buried since April 13th. And then use the rest here for whatever. i still dont know exactly how much I am suppsta be getting, I am sure I am expectin WAY too much. But hell. I need it damn it.
So I dont know. There isnt ever enough going on I tell ya. Just makes me wanna scream!!

So that is what is up with me. I am off, maybe to get a bite to eat. Im hungry.

Nighty night.

Morning All

2005-06-24T08:25:00.000-05:00

Well is is damn early. But I am online playing with my new digi cam!!! YEA!!!!! Im a bit excited, a bit dissapointed. Long story.

But here I am playing with it. YEA!!

well everyone is planning on leaveing me this weekend for a night. There heading up to Waxahachie (sp?) Saturday morning for a wedding reception. Im gonna go clubbin!! LMAO Maybe not.

Well I am off to play.

Bubye

Cant Sleep Worth A Damn

2005-06-16T00:02:00.000-05:00

Well here I am. Was in bed, trying to sleep for about an hour or so. And my little head just thinks up so meny things. And next thing I now I am laying there crying my eyes out. Uggg. Really I wish I would just feel better all damn ready. Honestly I dont feel anybetter then the day I found out Matt died. And you would think after almost 5 months I would feel atleaste a little better. But no, really I dont. I still cry alot. Too much really. Diane, my tree huggen councler said I need meds. I was like...eh yeah Duuuhhhh! Captian Obvious just landed on her head. With everything that I have held in over the last 26 years, and then all of this. My little jar is blowing the fuck up.

Background on the jar is my old CPS worker, Ted, who I had for 17 years, long time I know, would say "Liz If you dont let things out of your jar the top will pop, and weverything will overflow. And I dont want to be around when It does." Encourageing words eh?

well I have learned over the meny years of foster homes and group homes and especially my mom of how to hold in feelings because they just get you in trouble. Well, who ever told me that it was a good idea was dead wrong. My top has poped off and really, truely, honestly I feel like i could go into a corrner a just rock. Like thoses crazy ass people in the movies when they just break. Thats me. Trust me I am breathing a whole damn lot lately.

Trying t deal with the girls bouncing off the walls. And poor Dylan is so clingy lately. And my mom and brother and just ass's. Acting like complete fools in MN. All I hear is "we have no money" or "when are you comeing for a visit", or my personal favorite "you need to move back home." Home to what? My drunk ass mother who thinks she has the right to make other people feel like shit whenever it suits her? Or to my brother who thinks everyone is "his bitch" and there to make him happy? Hell no. Really a visit, and thats it. I cant handle these people for longer then an hour phone call. There is no god damn way I am moveing up there to watch Tony act like a fool and turn out like my mother. No thanks. Really the only reason I would like to go up now is to go sit at my brothers grave. And Im not sure what ,talk to him I guess.

It is so hard. I dont know how to feel any better then the shitty way I feel now. And I relly hate it. The counciler says in July they will have an inturn there for psych stuff. A person to write out med perscriptions really. Nothing more. And I cant fucking wait. I dont expect meds to make everything peaches and cream. But good god. To feel somewhat normal. Would be nice. But we will see I guess. Have to make it to July first.

well I guess I am off to bed. Night.

Its Too Damn Hot In Houston!!!!

2005-06-15T16:19:00.000-05:00

OK, well we just got back from running all over god and creation in the hottest part of the day!!! Not the smartest thing to do I suppose. But I was on a hunt for those damn Harry Potter jelly beans. Uggg cant find em where I thought I saw them. So we stopped at the grocery store, and burkes outlet.

Burkes Outlet is a mighty fine place to shop. Damn cheep!!! Have to go back there when I have money to shop.

Had another apt on Monday with whatever her damn name is...ugg I forgot. My new tree huggen councler. She is an odd ball I tell ya. She feels privleged to have me talk to her. Silly ass woman. I dunno we will see i guess.

Well other then that Im dieing in the heat. It is so damn hot out. YUK!!!!

HA, been MIA again for a bit.

2005-06-09T13:19:00.000-05:00

well herw we are. A month after my last post. My poor Blog must feel neglected.

Lets see...whats new in Liz's little world...............

Damons back home working in Houston. He started his new job this week. So no more San Antiono for him. YEA!!He is excited to be back home. were excited to have him back. Especially to help out with Shanice. Double Horray!!!

School has been out for a few weeks. So the girls have been home bouncing off the walls. Now that D is back home we will have a car homer. So have lots planned for the summer. First stop...the Blue Bell Factory!!! Gotta love icecream!!

I started councling last night. Lady, Diane, was weird. Kind of a hippie, tree huggen lady. Wants me to breath and reflect and shit. God lord. I am going to hold out with her for a minuet. Cause in July they get a Psych inturn. And that means Meds for me. :-D !!!!!!!!!! I have tried the BS things she wants me to do, and nuthin. So we will see I guess.

Went to OKC this past weekend. Was fun. Very nice to get out of the housr to do something other then groceries or errands. Was fun. was D's, brothers, wifes oldest doughters 21st b-day. One realy big plus was we rented a minivan. And loved it. had better gas milage then D's Focuse, which is really nice! And wasnt as bad as I thought. And ya know, whoever thought about putting slidding doors on both sides, genious!!!

Well thats about it for me.

SEND HELP I'M BORED!!!!

2005-05-06T22:57:00.000-05:00

Well it is Friday nite, almost 11 and here I sit. I'm damned bored I tell ya!

I just got back from Wally a short time ago. Had to grab some mom's day things and formula. What joy I tell you. There has to be about 50,000 people there, most shopping for mothers day gifts and flowers and candy and whatnot. Crazy I tell ya. But makes me feel better that there are 50,000 other people who don't have a life along with me and the best they could muster to do is go to Wal-mart. Makes me seem a tad more normal. :-)

Well not much has gone on since my last post. Just same shit, different day.

we're going to be getting ready for yet another garage sale for next weekend. We didn't clear out nearly enough shit from the last one, but we did well. Between Trisa and us we made about 500. So for a 2 day sale, not to shabby I guess. We still need to go threw the kids' toys and the crap in the kitchen and clear a bunch of that out. Hopefully well do just as well or better next weekend. Wish us luck!!

Let's see, what else is going on............

I got the paperwork for the cemetery where my baby brother is. So I need to call my mom and talk to her about the types of headstones and designs on it and whatnot. Always a fun subject, especially mothers day weekend. Maybe I will wait till next week for that.

I called a counseling place this week for me. Been having a hard time with all the emotions running threw my head and everyone else is taking the brunt of it. So after the 20th, off to the counselor I go to tell my life story. what joy.

It is a GLBT friendly place, so I am sure that will be interesting. But best part is because I don't bring in any accountable income it will only be $25 a visit. So that's not bad at all. Just like a co-pay I suppose. We will see how that goes.

Well I suppose I am off to find something my poor bored outta my wits ass can do.

Nite.

Hello Again

2005-04-30T00:53:00.000-05:00

Well I have been M.I.A. for a bit now. It has been a long stressful few weeks, i suppose it is a few weeks since I posted last.

Lets see whats going on???

Well My Brother was finnaly buried on his birthday, April 13th. My mom and brother threw a bunch of stuff in with him. ie; the shoes he used to steal cars in, a blunt..my baby baby brother. He died before he was born cause my mom was, and still is, a crack head. SO after 10 years he is finnaly buried along with my brother Matt.

I am figureing out how much a plaque for his plot costs. Its an ass load man. Good lord, let me carve it myself for 600. Stupid bull shit. They make a killing them damn cemetary people. I need to get into that.

Lets see what else.

Trying to get Shanice stableized. Way to meny damn out bursts!! Hopefully they get it right this time, but I dont hold my breath.

Les and D are heading off to Dallas ina few hours, shit I need to switch over the laundry after IO do this. Damons cousin and wife died, so thats tough for them. It is just the kids and I all day. They dont know it yet, but were cleaning. HAHAHAHA, mean, mean Liz.

Well I must go switch laundry.

I will check in more often, promise.

Hello

2005-04-05T16:32:00.000-05:00

Well afternoon. Havent posted in a few so thought I would.

Not much is going on, so no need to post.

Hurt my damn wrist, Its fucken crap I tell ya. Im too young to have so meny ailments.

Well off to make manwich...hahaha

Strawberry Shortcake Rocks Ass!!

2005-03-30T14:02:00.000-06:00

OK, so I know it wouldnt be good for me, but I am willing to rish it.

I think I should test if one could live on strawberry shortcake alone. I mean really, you get bread in the cake, fresh fruit and dairy.....is dairy in coolwhip? Prolly not. Well I am willing to test it!!!

*Shoves another forkfullin her mouth*

Ok, so other then eating, Im bored as hell. There is probebly about 50 things i could be doing, but here i sit, looking threw blogs. Then thought maybe I should post in mine.

OK, so after stareing at the screen for a lil bit, i noticed i have othing to say...HAHAHA

Well guess I am gonna try and get the baby to nap.

Happy Late Easter All!

2005-03-28T21:35:00.000-06:00

Well happy late easter too everyone.

I thought I would post a lil hi and tell ya how easter was for me.

went well. Saturday we went to leslies moms house. Might I add, much too late. We didnt get over there untill 6 or so, and we went out to eat at this really nummie chinese place! Yep chinese for easter saturday. Leslies mom is known for doing goofy dinners. Her first Thanksgiveing in Texas she made Mexican food. Silly woman.

So we ate nummie, nummie for, and went back to Judys house and just talked about all sorts of stuff untill about 11.

So everyone but me loaded into leslies car and I took D's car, I had to stop at Kroger to get eggs. The girls and I were gonna die eggs on easter damn it!! It was their first time, so they say, ever dieing eggs. That just amazes me.

So........Easter morning. we are woken upby Shanice, at 5 AM!!!! Singing it is easter!!!! Its Easter!!!! GET UP!!!!!! Thats all I remember, I went back to sleep, only to awaken to hyped up children!!! HAHAHA I did it to myself, I bought all the damn candy! Les was fine with a hollow bunny! But I said hell no!! The candy lover I am, they needed a lil more then that. So they had nummie stuff.

Oh the second time I woke up, I woke up to Les saying "OMG did you see that!!!???!!!! Liz! LIZ! Look out the window, the EASTER BUNNY!!!!!!!!" I was like what the hell are you talking about and rolled over on my basket!! Hahaha, Yep I am 26 and get easter baskets. I strongly belive in everyone should get candy on Easter. Even though I didnt have money to get Les or D any this year. :-( I suprised the hell outta them last year when I got them stuff. They knew then, I was serious. :-)

So I got up, ate some of my new found candy, and we took off to go find out easter dinner. Yes Les procrastinates to the very end. Here we are, easter, trying to find a HAM!! Took 3 hours and 5 stores, but we found one. YEA!!! Easter was saved!

So we made a big dinner, and ate and it was nummie!!!

So that was my easter, a really great end to a really shitty ass start to a weekend.

Hope everyones was great as well.

My Head!!! It Hurts!!!!!

2005-03-24T10:42:00.000-06:00

OK, so I have the worst headach I have had in years!! I used to get migranes, before my girls. The doc said that sometimes with woman when they get pregnant it makes migranes just go away, no reason really they just do. well that worked for me for about 6 years. I was wonderful!! But now, I think, I am getting one. My head has hurt since the middle of last night. I havent had any sensitivity to light yet, but noise kills me!! Uggggg, sucks! It is good though that it is a thursday. D comes home tonight, so if it gets bad, atleaste he can get the baby.

Les looked like she wanted to die this morning. She went to the clinic to get a prescription. Both her ears have been ringing for 2 days now and she just really feels like shit. Thank god this temp assignment is over today. Poor thing has worked herself sick.

I started takeing trim spa today, i havent heard great things about it from anyone i talk to yet, so hopefully they are wrong!! But if not, oh well, wasnt expensive.

Well i am going to lay down or a few. Dylan fell asleep in his johnny jumper...ha tylenol kicked in finnaly. His little mouth hurts, he is cutting two teeth, and is crabby as hell!!

Sweet Dreams to me!

Evening to all....

2005-03-23T19:11:00.000-06:00

Well I had Trisa over today, make sure to visite her site, i have the link there for ya. She helped me do all sorts of cool shit with my blog. Thanks girlie girl. I also went threw and found the second code for my counter and erased that bitch!! Yeah, so now only one counter like most normal people...Hahahahahaha.

Not a very eventful day here. Talked to my friend Angela forever. We just dont talk enough anymore. Miss Ya girl!!

Other then that, didnt do squat. I was going to mop, but the mop bucket is M.I.A. so i am off tonight to buy another when Les gets home.

well sorry I'm not more eventful then that tonight. I just thought I would say Hi while I was fixing my template.

Sigh....

2005-03-21T23:14:00.000-06:00

Well as i was goinh threw our phone messages this morning and eraseing all the telemarket and bill collector calls we dont answer but they insist on leaveing a message, I came across a message from Denice. (My ex-step-sister from my ex-step dads first wife) It came on saturday and said that her dad had passed away and everyone was looking for my brother Tony.

Well i called her right away, she was chipper, I was suprised. well She told me that Mike's cleaning lady had found him saturday morning. From what she heard his blood sugar was zero, but that was all she knew so far. So were waiting on that. But she let me know that noone had heard form Tony, and noone knew how to get ahold of him.

Soo off I went. I called my mom and told her Mike had died. And after her sobbing and repeated mentions that she was gonna puke( yanno for a woman that hated Mike so much it is odd the reaction she had when she found out he was dead. She called him a puke all the time, and there she was, off pukeing...Hmm Oddd), she went to call her Boyfriend and see if her had the number to where we thought Tony was staying. well he had it. So I started calling about 9am or so. well suprise suprise no answer. so I called the only two other friends of Tonys that i knew could help me find him. Well all i got was there voice mail too. Voice mail sucks lemme tall ya.

Well I left a couple messgae on the voice mail where i thought Tony was saying that if noone got ahold of my by noon i was sending a sherriff over there to find my brother.

well noon rolls around and no call. So I called my mom one more time to see if she had heard anything, nope, So Off I go to call the St. Paul Police. I told them what was going on and if maybe please oh please if they could send a squad over there and just see for me if her was there, and maybe leave a message for me?? Well they did. About 15 minuets later I got a call from the officer that went to the house where I thought Tony was. He was there but wouldnt come to the door, and said he knew something was wrong already. So they left my number with him. well while i was wrapping up with her Tony called me. he was crying, but he pretty much knw his dad was already gone. But I told him what I knew about his blood suger and stuff.

well I sat on the phone with him for about a hour listening to him just sob. He is afraid noone is going to be there for him and noone cares and he is all alone now. Cause I am in Houston, and my mom...well she is another story.

So now I just feel so shitty. i wish I could be there for him. I wish I could just hold him for as long as he needed me to so he could feel better and know atleaste i love himand that he means the world to me. But I cant. hell after the trip up for Matt's funeral, and les not haveing a job were tapped, so tapped. And it sucks so bad. I feel horriable. I feel like a shitty sister and a horriable person. I know I probebly shouldnt, but fuck I cant help it.

Well, my mom met him back at his dads apartment to help get pepperwork together for Denice, and that was the last I talked to him. So I hope he is doing better. i will just have to see tomarrow.

Nighty nite.

Well...Ya think I could Come Up For Air Sometime Soon?

2005-03-21T22:45:00.000-06:00

Well Hi there. I havent been on in a few. Been a busy couple weeks.

The girls were off for spring break, which was great except I dislocated my poor little thumb playing teatherball. Other then that it went about 100% better then aI thought it would, untill.............

(enter spoky music here)

Shanice decided that she felt like hurting herself again, I think it was the sunday before school was to be back in session. Well after futal attempts to get ahold of someone to help, we were told just to let her go to bed. Now this after she wants to hurt herself and others now. But since she took her night meds, she was falling asleep so was no longer a threat, says the docs.

Well Monday morning I woke up, expecting to be getting the girls ready for school and saw Leslie and Shanice sitting on the couch. Les had noticed I was awake and told me we had a problem. well after the night we had I thought she must have cut herself.

well she hadnt, but she was feeling like she really wanted to and still wanted to hurt other people.

well after talking a minuet and me tell her how I felt and how i thought she was just trying to get attention, which is normal for her, and how fed up I was. And that night we actually had to lock doors to keep the little ones safe. well really just how much bull shit i thought it all was. She let us know I was the one she wanted to hurt. She had a plan on how she was going to jump over the counter and grab a knife and stab me. well, that was it. les called the police and the day started.

The police came and they didnt think thet the house was a grat place for her to be, so they handcuffed her and we followed them down town to a psych hospitol. Where we sat for 4 hours, only to be transfered back up to a place 20 minuets from our house. Yeah we thought it was retarded too. But so we went up there and sat for another couple of hours to get shanice checked in. And then came home.

She was in for only 3 days and we were told her crisis was over and she was going home. well we were like, it is over huh, so what we just wait for her to actually hurt someone??

Well she is on new meds, strong meds, so it should help.

She has been home a week now, and seems to be doing so much beter. I cross my fingers she is, but there is always a honeymoon period with her. so we will see if her med coctail is working or not.

Off to start post # 2 of the evening.

Warning: Teatherball is dangerous for your health!!!

2005-03-11T02:53:00.000-06:00

Ok, so spring break is almost over. And the girls are bouncing off the walls. So Leslie has the great idea of bringing thm to the park. Should be harm;ess....but it wasnt.

Shanice and I found a teatherball and hooked that bitch up the the pole!!

Now, I havent played teatherball since elemantry school. So I thought it would be fun.

Well, of course Shanice cant lose, and since I played vollyball for a while, I am kinda good at hitting the ball. So she is getting kinda pissed i am wining so she starts playing damn hard. well somewhere in between ducking the ball heading for my head and smashing it back at her sore loser ass, our hands smashed together. I am in horriable pain right away and shanice says I stabbed her with my thumb nail. well come to find out my damn thumb is dislocated, well isnt anymore thanks to this Doc with jokes and a nerve block, and I now have this retarded removeable cast wrapped around my thumb and just about up to my elbow, that some spanish nurse had to tell the other guy nurse he was going wrapping the cast wrong and I would be stuck in it, and that I have to wear it for anywhere from 3 weeks to 6 weeks, depending on what the hand surgon says!! Yeah cause I have insurence and can just go to a hand surgeon and say "Bill Me." Yeah right.

You would think the hospitol would stop handing out refferals to the people that respond to the question "Do you have any insurence you would like us to claim this to?" And you start laughing!

So how fun, i type bad enough, now I am super gimp!!!!

Need a cab hailed or are you a hitch hiker without a thumb?? Call Super Liz!!!

BLAHHHHHH!!!

In better news turn your speakers up and click this here link: http://www3.ns.sympatico.ca/lyle_24/myhero.html
It is funny funny shit!!!

Ok well off to smoke for me! and to find someting on the tv at...oh......3:00am.

Nighty Nite.

Monday...Monday

2005-03-07T16:49:00.000-06:00

Well today was better then I though it would be with both the girls home. If all else failes throw em in the back yard I tell ya!!!

Well started takeing B12 and Ginsing yesterday. I dont see any fricken difference . I suppose I should give it more then 2 days, huh??

well talked to Dee today. She has been MIA since she moved to Maryland. But she has finnaly moved to her own place and has internet access. So chated with her for a few.

And then...didnt do shit. LOL

I dunno, that was my boreing day. Nothing to much to report.

Ohh I see people are comeing and reading all my wonderous thoughts!!!! Yea for me i guess!!!
Wish y'all would say something....but whatcha gonna do.

Ok well I am off. Leslie wanted hamburger helper for dinner. Her fav kind, spagetti. She makes sandwiches out of em. I swear Suuthnahhs are weird ass eaters. If it isnt deep fried it is just plain weird.

Ok off cook.

Hello and happy Saturday night all.

2005-03-05T20:51:00.000-06:00

And so. Hopefully everyones days hasnt been as eventful as mine.

OK well today was crusin along just fine and dandy. then Shanice decided that she was going to get all up in a tizzy. So of course we ask whats wrong? And after 2 hours of trying to pull it out of her she said " I am mad cause mom was cuddling with Liz!!!" So of course we think here we go again. And waiting to hear how nasty we are. But she clarifies it for us, and very clearly of how she has a crush on me. And has fanticies about me and would let me have my way with her and is SUPER jelous of Leslie because she gets to kiss on me and whatever.

So what the hell do we do now??? I cant hardly look her in the eye now with out blushing. I played as cool as I could when she said it. Granted my face was almost purple it was so red. But I know better then to make a big big deal of it. But all I wanted to say was...HOLY SHIT!!!! EWWWWWW!!!! NO! NO! NO!

We went threw and explained to her that there is just no way. One I am with her parents. Two I am way, way, way to old for her. Anyone over 16 is way to old for her. So then we had to explain why it is different for her parents and me being together. (Cause they are 10 years older then me.) So she didnt understand why it was a big deal.

So, how interesting is that right????

In better news, Jaely lost her first tooth. It is on the bottom. And we are pretty sure it wasnt supposta come out yet, but her sister decided that it was her place to yank that bitch from her face. So ow she is going to have to wait for the tooth fairy tonight.

Other then that. Not a damn thing going on other then I have a 42 oz mug of captian coke!!! HAHAHA

UUgghhh!

2005-03-04T23:57:00.000-06:00

DO you see it???? Well I do. There is a counter before every damn post. God how frustrating is this??

Happy Friday!

2005-03-04T23:38:00.000-06:00

Well my Friday is all over with.

Damon just finished trying to help me change my blog skin and put a counter on this stupid thing. Well as you can see there is no counter and take it from me, the skin is the friggin same. UUGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Started off the day kinda crappy. Damon and I decided to misunderstand each other. Blahhhhhh....it is all better now.

Jaelyn had Cowboy day at school. So she dressed up in the cutest last minuet cowgirl outfit we could come up with, along with alittle add ons from a late night trip to wal-mart to find....something.....anything for her. (Yes, we LOVE to wait untill the last minuet possible) But turned out really good. She was cute as hell, of course. *grin*

So we went up to the school to watch her do her line dancing, along with all the other kindergartners. Ya know, those PTA moms sure do need to go all out for everything, I tell ya. Some of those kids were all decked out. Was still cute.

We went out to grab some grub for dinner. Mexican. It was alright.

Then we went and dropped off the camera that we took with to minnesota when we went up. And when I went to go pick it up, it was the wrong fucken one. What shit man. Well I guess it wont get developed for a minuet now. We have to figure out which on it is. LOL

Well Shanice was is her usuall for today after school. She has no damn clue what an ass she makes of herself on an hourly basis. She LOVES the attention she gets from it. I wish I could just grab her by the ears and shake her smart!!! God, she so loves to cross the line and then keep going. She enjoys the shit out of pissing people off. But when they get mad she askes what she did. 4 more years left.....thats it and off to collage. Is that bad to be counting down till she leaves???? Well I dont care. Get her out!!

I suppose I have been so short with EVERYTHING lately. I used to be really good with Shanice. Really, really patient. But I am not patient worth a damn the last couple months. I so hate it. I feel like all I do it yell and get pissed off. I am sure that is all anyone else see's too. It sucks. Hopefully Leslies job will pick up so I can go see someone, maybe get some meds. Or at leaste go get something from GNC or something. I really hate feeling like this. It scares me at times. Some of the things that go threw my little head. I dunno.

well I am gonna go get what pics of Heidies I have for her and her mama in the envelope so they can go in the mail tomarow.

Night.

What A Boreing Day!!

2005-03-02T11:19:00.000-06:00

Well after staying up untill all hours of the night trying to figure out how to add things to my blog, which I failed at, I went to bed about 3 am, and woke up, or was woken up and about 7:30 this morning with the usuall screaming and fighting to get the kids out the door for school. Since Les is home later in the morning now, it is such a chore to get them out thedoor. Dont get me wrong, I love haveing the extra time to sleep in and not haveing to get up at 6am. But geezzzzz it is so frustrating sometimes. When you wake up at 7:40 and the 14yo is raceing out the door to make the bus and you see the 5yo still in her jammies, abd the bus will be at the house at 8 it isnt such a great way to wake up.

So usually I wake up to race Jae to get dressed, get her hair done, make her lunch and give her breakfast. OMG I just thought, I didnt feed her breakfast, I sure hope she ate this morning.

Now you would think that if the kids are so far behind why isnt someone up with them. Well Les is, but I am not sure what she does in the morning when the kids are getting ready for school. Usually on the computer or watching T.V. Maybe feeding Dylan his botle.

Now granted there is plenty of time, while Jae is getting dressed and eating breakfast, to fiddle around online. But you would think that if there is only 20-30 minuest to get the kid out the door, there has got to be better things to do then check your e-mail and do whatever it is you do online. Aparently there isn't.

Well I got a letter out to my mom. I am haveing Leslie bring home some printed out crosswords and word searches. I cant send a book to the jail, but I am assumeing that if i hve it printed out it would be the same as typeing out a letter...right?? Well I hope so anyway.

I also dug out some pictures for Jay, my ex, who is in prision. Damn I have alot of jailbirds in my life dont i?

I also dug out a bunch of pictures of my two girls to send to Heidie and her ma. They havent seen either of the girls since they were babys in the hospitol. So I dug a bunch out for them. All different ones threw the years so they can see how they have grown. I will have to go get some copys made this weekend and get a larger envelope to send them out to her.

She is supposta be sending me some pics of her brothers baby. So hopfully she will get those out son.

Ohhhh yea, were under a tornado watch....batten down the hatches!!!!!

Well I suppose I should got throw some laundry in and finishes my peaches. Yep I went hunting for some food, cause damn I am hungry, best I could find was a can of peaches. ugghhhhhh

*The part of Mary Poppins is now being played by Liz.

Mornign To All

2005-03-02T02:49:00.000-06:00

Well, here I sit, at almost 1am, bored out of my pretty little head, or atleaste thats what my yahoo status is.

I got to E-mail Heidie today. I havent talked to her since my brothers funeral. He died January 26th 2005. And then I hadnt talked to her in prolly 2 or almost 3 years before that. we grew up together. Her house was ALWAY the house I went to when my mom kicked me out or just to escape my moms house. I remember spending weeks on end dureing the summer vacation at heidies moms house. Doing all sorts of crazy bullshit. Naked lady popcicles and RITZ frisbies...LMAO good old times.

I remember them well. After I became a ward of the state of Minnesota, at 13, I spent meny nights wondering where i would go next, or who I would be placed with the next day, week or month. it really sucked. I stayed in a few placements for a good while. But Heidie, she was always there. We would always go cause some sort of caous somewhere. She was always my escape from where ever I was.

But seeing Heidie at Matt's Funeral was a great comfort for me. There were so meny people there from all of his friends, schoolmates, teachers and foster families. I dodnt really know meny of the, And from the ones I did know, I hadnt seen them since my mom divorced my brothers dad, back when I was 8. So here are all these people that remembered me and I had no clue who 90% of them were. There she was. I was out smokeing and In true Bean (her nickname) fasion she comes up asking if it is the smokeing section. Ohh, I swear my heart just fell. we hugged for so long, just crying. It was nice. It had been far too long.

Love ya Bean!!

Well it has been over a month now since Matt died. It is so tough. I try and put up a great front. Thats just me, I learned early, if you show people your weak, they walk all over you.

But, I have to try really hard. Loseing Matt, was almost like loseing my child. After all Matt, tony and I went threw growing up, we were so close. the past couple of years, Matt had gone his own way and me mine, and I so regret it now. I dont know what his favorite color was, or his favorite food, or what he loved to eat. It just kills me.

I was the "adult" in the house for meny years. I was the one who got my boys their baths and made them dinner and did our laundry while mom was off doing her thing. Which usually ment she was at the local bar finding what ever random guy. Drinking untill the bar closed, and if she was lucky well after that. She was a great patron of the bars on the east Side of St. Paul, MN. So that ment she knew most of the owners or bar tenders, and she could stay after bar close. And come stumbling home early morning.

But now, I will not be able to get to know my baby brother like I should know him. Like I want to know him. But now it is too late.

is it wrong to want to die too, just to be near him again?? I know I can't, but even for just one minuet to tell him how much I love him and how much I miss him and how much I wish we hadnt grown apart.

Isn't it funny. It was fine before, only talking to him every so often. Doing a little bit of catch up and then not talking again for another month or two. And now, I will never talk to him again. Shouldn't it have been different? We should have been SUPER close after all we went threw. But we wernt. Everyone handles shit differently I guess. But now, it is too late.

Anyway, I must talk about something on a happier note.

My mom goes to jail today!!! HAHAHA thats happy.....LMAO

I guess she decided to kick a cop and break some ribs, so she got 13 days in the work house for that. She just never changes.

I was told once bu our child protection worker that all alcoholics hit their low and they relize what a shit hole they have made their life, then they change. Well god damn, how low can one person go??? She lost all 4 of her kids. Has been in the hospitol numerous time from haveing her ass handed to her by "insert random guys name her". 2 Novembers ago she was ran over by a hugh Ford something or another great big truck, almost died. And still she drinks. it just amazes me.

Has she been to treatment you might ask. Of course she has. All threw the time we were with her. the county would get fed up with her drinking, throw us kids in a foster home/group home/whatever random garage (really we did) was open for drop offs, and she would go in for a 3 day hold. Get sober enough to talk circles around whom ever threw her their, and home we would go.

It is just amazeing how "wonderful" the system is.

WEll I must go. I am trying to post my pic on this stupid thing, so I am going to fight with it for a minuet, go smoke and go to bed.

Night

An older pic of me, before I went cut and dye happy with my hair.

2005-03-02T01:33:00.000-06:00

It is me.

Hello to all.

2005-03-01T21:35:00.000-06:00

Hello There. I am Liz, and these are my thoughts.

I was roaming threw a friends blog, hi Trisa, and then saw the next blog button, so after going threw a few, maybe more then a few, Blogs, I decided I wanted one. So here it is.

I am a 26 Year old, corner of of a triad. I live with Les and D and there 3 kids, Shanice 14, Jaelyn 5, and Dylan 7 months.

I grew up in St. Paul Minnesota (and meny surrounding cities), and moved down here to Houston, Texas, almost 2 years ago, to live with Les, D and the kids.

Les, D and I are liveing in a Polyamorous Triad. Which in easier terms means Les, D and I are all in the relationship together. Les and D have been married for 15 years in May. Leslie finnaly came to the cunclusion she was i and wanted to act on it. After searching meny profiles and going on meny dates, some longer then others, les and I stumbled apon each other in a MSN chat room, clicked and 25 days later I was bording a bus (yes Greyhound, YUK!) to Texas. And here I have been since June 27th of 2003.

Well I am sure you will hear plenty more of our wonderful family, sometimes not so wonderful but never the less a great, loveing family.

Hope you enjoy.

Ramblings From A Golden Unicorn

What A Long And Hot Day

Dylan's Big Day

Dylans 1st Birthday

Dylans 1st Birthday

Dylans 1st Birthday

Dylans 1st Birthday

Dylans 1st Birthday

Dylans 1st Birthday

Dylans 1st Birthday

Dylans 1st Birthday

Dylans 1st Birthday

Dylans 1st Birthday

Dylans 1st Birthday

Dylans 1st Birthday

Dylans 1st Birthday

Dylans 1st Birthday

Dylans 1st Birthday

Dylans 1st Birthday

Dylans 1st Birthday

Let's get you all cought up...

Was asked to join a site.....

If my patience isn't wearing thin enough sometimes.

Ohhh what a night.....

Bi-woman pool party!!!

I have seen it all now.

*Sigh* Teenagers

If my mind would just stop for one damn minuet!!!!

It's damn hot in here!!!

I am sooo tired!!!

BINGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know your board when..........

Morning All

Cant Sleep Worth A Damn

Its Too Damn Hot In Houston!!!!

HA, been MIA again for a bit.

SEND HELP I'M BORED!!!!

Hello Again

Hello

Strawberry Shortcake Rocks Ass!!

Happy Late Easter All!

My Head!!! It Hurts!!!!!

Evening to all....

Sigh....

Well...Ya think I could Come Up For Air Sometime Soon?

Warning: Teatherball is dangerous for your health!!!

Monday...Monday

Hello and happy Saturday night all.

UUgghhh!

Happy Friday!

What A Boreing Day!!

Mornign To All

An older pic of me, before I went cut and dye happy with my hair.

Hello to all.

Sigh Teenagers